Aditi's Monologue

This post was almost titled “Confessions of A Former (Occasional) People Pleaser“, but I believe a lot of us are people pleasers to an extent, are we not? Some of us want to be liked, most of us want to swerve away from any sort of confrontation or even a mildly uncomfortable discussion. And while it can be exhausting trying to please people in your personal life & relationships, it can be a huge and direct disadvantage (and weakness) in the workplace. And I see it around me so much that it frustrates me. Seriously. So, today I want to share my professional take, as a manager as well as a newly trained therapist, on how to stop being a people pleaser at work. Hope these simple tricks and tools help some of you.

Let’s get into it! Have you ever said yes to something at work, even when your brain, your gut, and your calendar were screaming “Please, for the love of God, say no!”? If your answer is an immediate yes, then you, my friend, are a member of the verrrrry large, very exhausted club of people-pleasers. Sit down, breathe in and listen up.

I know this club well. I don’t think I’ve ever been a downright people pleaser, but there are instances where I’ve kept quiet or even nodded when I should have said no, because of the need for approval. Like Doja Cat sings, “♪ I’d rather be famous instead ♪” – I also would rather be occasionally popular and loved (and well, worshipped, why lie), than create an unpleasant scene by standing my ground. Pathetic, I know. But like I ve mentioned multiple times already, this behavior is rare for me. Inherently, I don’t put anyone else’s view of me before my own view of myself, and it’s a healthy habit that I credit my parents for.

However, I have my weak moments and as a team leader in digital advertising, I’ve been privy to this a lot. I have witnessed people-pleasing play out in pitches, presentations, client meetings, and even within internal creative brainstorming sessions. While some of it is smart business, I’ve also seen how much it costs: energy, clarity, and sometimes even respect. And now, with my degree in psychology and my therapy training lens, I also understand the deeper why behind it.

So let’s talk about why we lean into people-pleasing behaviours, why it hurts, and most importantly, how we can stop.

What People-Pleasing Really Is (And Isn’t)

First things first, let’s get it straight that people-pleasing is not equal to “being kind”. Where kindness is rooted in authenticity, people-pleasing is often rooted in fear. Fear of conflict, rejection, unlikability, or disappointing others.

Psychologically, it comes from a need for external validation. Many of us were raised to believe that saying yes equals being good, being liked, and being valuable. A lot of us also believe that maintaining outward peace is a virtue even at the cost of inner peace. At work, this can lead to overcommitting, taking on extra tasks to prove yourself, agreeing to unrealistic timelines, not standing up against erratic demands and/or changing goal-posts, and nodding along in meetings when what you actually want to say is, “This doesn’t make sense.”

Sound familiar?

Why People-Pleasing a Problem at Work (and in Leadership)

Here’s the tricky part, though: people-pleasing often gets rewarded in the short term because it often deems you as a resource who is dependable, takes complete accountability/ownership, is always available, and is a team player. And don’t get me wrong, all this is great, if it were only the end of it. But of course, this backfires over time.

• Burnout: Saying yes to everything = zero energy for your best work.
• Resentment: Inside, you feel frustrated and undervalued because your point of view, your expertise, and your needs are sidelined.
• Diluted leadership: A leader who never says no isn’t seen as decisive or assertive. Teams look to leaders who can prioritize, assert themselves for what’s right, make the tough calls, and draw boundaries.

Especially in advertising where creativity thrives on clarity and focus (+ passion), a people-pleasing culture can quietly kill bold ideas. Because when you’re always saying yes, you’re not making space for the right yes.

Therapy Tools to Break the Pattern

So how do we stop? Here are some psychology-backed techniques I recommend:

• Boundary Scripts: Practice saying no politely but firmly. Example:
  • “I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now, but if you can help me prioritize, I’d be happy to do so.”
  • “I believe this will be detrimental to the process/ask, here’s what I recommend instead.”
  • “This feels like a misalignment to my role/KRAs, and I’d like to revisit and fix them before taking this on.”
• Reframe Conflict: Disagreement doesn’t equal disrespect. It’s often collaboration in action. Repeat this to yourself a few times until your nervous system believes it.
• Values Check: Before saying yes, ask: Is this aligned with my values and goals? If not, pause.
• Self-Compassion: People-pleasers often carry guilt when they say no. Remind yourself: you’re allowed to disappoint others sometimes to preserve your energy and to stay aligned with the actual goal/task at hand.

Leadership & Team Management Techniques

This isn’t just about individuals, obviously, because leaders set the tone of entire teams and organizations. This contributes to workplace culture. Here is what I’ve learned in my professional life leading varied teams:

• Model “No” Behavior: If I never say no, my team won’t either. This is a big mountain to carry, be aware.
• Encourage Realistic Prioritization: Reward honesty about capacity, not just over-delivery. Tough to follow through with this one (especially in times of turmoil), but it is crucial for teams that are healthy and strongly aligned.
• Promote Assertive Communication: Clear, respectful, and confident language beats vague yes-es every time. Communicate well, use words that leave no room for misinterpretation. I wrote about this in my article: Working with Generation Z: Lessons From Advertising, and it holds here as well.
• Shift from Pleasing to Respecting: Leadership isn’t about pleasing everyone. It’s about respecting your team’s time, energy, and talent. It’s about expecting the same in return.

A Personal Note

I once said yes to an urgent client request that had us reworking an entire video campaign in less than 5 hours while already juggling another major pitch + other accounts. The result? Exhausted teams, diluted output, and honestly, not our best work.

Later, I learned that saying no (or at least pushing back with options and timelines) wouldn’t have lost us the client; it would have set the right precedent with the client and and earned the team’s trust. Lesson learned the hard way.

My final take is this: Don’t fool yourself by thinking that your people-pleasing behaviour is Kindness. It’s not a virtue.

People-pleasing might appear to be kindness in the moment, but over time, it’s actually self-neglect. And in the workplace, it’s culture-neglect.

The real skill in therapy, in leadership, and in life in general is accepting (and believing) that boundaries are not barriers. They’re bridges to healthier, more honest relationships, and at work they result in a more focused and sharp output.

Does this make sense? If yes, then let’s create a little action plan. I challenge you to try one small “no.” to an unrealistic deadline, or to a task that doesn’t align with your goals, or anything that you believe will dilute your commitment to showing up as your best self at work. And then notice how freeing it feels.

Trust me, your creativity, your energy, and your leadership will thank you.

PS: Connect with me on LinkedIn, Medium, Substack, X and/or Instagram for more musings and tips.