Aditi's Monologue

We, this generation in general, need to realize that not everything is about us. We need to calm down, take our reactions down a notch. I have been feeling this for quite some time now, but a recent incident triggered this post. An influencer I follow recently shared an Instagram post about her motherhood journey. She wrote a beautiful, emotional caption about the realities of being a single mom in India, about how motherhood is one of the best things to have happened to her even when times were tough during her divorce, and how she feels blessed to have grown as a person while parenting her son, who is now flying off the nest to another city and starting his own life.

Fairly non-problematic, you’d think. Well, apparently not. The comments on her post went wild.

“What about women who can’t have children?”

“So you’re saying that I am not worthy if I decided not to have children?”

“You need to stop assuming that giving birth is the only reason for women to exist!”

“Why don’t you talk about the fat alimony you must have taken from your ex-husband to be able to have this cushy life, stop preaching, lol.”

Her post was literally about her personal journey. Like, it was a keyword in her caption. She did not mention the “worth of a woman” anywhere, she did not shade people who do not want children, she did not say anything that was anti-feminist (at least, to my understanding), and she did not indicate anything monetary or lifestyle-related, which could be alluded to as showing off her money/alimony/whatever.

And this reaction in her comment section was bewildering to me.

It reveals something bigger than parenting preferences or lifestyle choices.

It’s what therapists call the “What About Me” effect, and honestly, I see it everywhere.

Someone will share a video in Hindi (or their native language) and will face comments like “Not everyone understands Hindi!” (or whatever language has been used). Then maybe the video is not aimed at you. Move on.

Someone will recommend a vegan restaurant, and will get comments like “I am not Vegan. Veganism is bad for the environment because it drives monoculture crops.” Great environmental choice, but this doesn’t have to be a lesson. Move on.

Someone will share their grandmom’s mutton rogan josh recipe, and there will be comments like “But what about those who don’t consume mutton?” The recipe is literally about mutton. Move on if it’s not for you. Just move the f#@k on.

As you can probably guess, I get slightly annoyed at this constant “But what about me?” phenomenon.

Has The Algorithm Made Us This Way?

We are at an advanced level of: Personalization. Customisation. Tailor-made solution-ization.

And while it is good in a larger, more generic way, here’s the uncomfortable truth: algorithms have trained us to expect everything to be perfectly curated for us, even in situations that demand humanity.

Spotify knows our exact mood. Our Instagram feed is tailored to our interests. Netflix suggests shows based on what we’ve already watched. This constant personalization has convinced us that anything not made for us feels like exclusion. And when something doesn’t immediately accommodate our specific situation, we take it personally.

Research shows that algorithmic personalization can cause people to develop inaccurate assumptions and inflated confidence about topics they’ve had limited exposure to. In other words, we’re so used to being fed exactly what we want that we’ve lost the ability just to let things not be for us.

That something might not be for us is such a simple thought, yet so tough to deal with for a lot of us. Sigh. In the digital world, we find it hard to digest that:

We Are Not The Main Character Of Everyone’s Content

If a video is in Hindi, asking “Do you expect everyone to just know Hindi?” is like walking into a burger joint demanding they serve idli-sambhar. I mean, they might have it on the menu, but that’s not the point here. Not everything needs to accommodate you. A post about someone finding happiness in small things doesn’t need to trigger you into asking, “But but but – what about those of us who suffer from depression? Huh?” A video about a diet that made someone lose some weight doesn’t need to apologize because “you know, not everyone can afford fancy diets.” I could go on, seriously. But I’m trying not to make this a rant.

The inability to see content without demanding it include, accommodate, or center your specific situation is a cognitive distortion. Main Character Syndrome, as psychologists call it, is rooted in narcissistic thinking patterns where we view the world through a lens where we are always at the center, interpreting events primarily in terms of how they relate to us.

The Truth No One Wants To Hear

Not everything can apply to every single person. We’ve forgotten how to say, “This just isn’t for me.”
Not everything needs to bend to fit you.

Not everything has to be for you.

And that’s okay.

We’ve forgotten how to let things simply not be ours.

And I say this with empathy, but also with the tough love that therapy sometimes requires: if a complete stranger’s entirely personal parenting/motherhood journey that is throwing no shade, passing no judgment, and dissing no ideology triggers you because you’re not a parent/chose not be be a parent/having money issues (IDK how to chalk up the alimony comment, tbh), the problem isn’t that post or that influencer. It’s your relationship with content that doesn’t center you.

This isn’t about being unkind to people with genuine accessibility needs or dietary restrictions. It’s about recognizing when we’re demanding the world revolve around us simply because we’re used to algorithms doing exactly that.

How To Teach This To Kids (And Ourselves)

I’m raising a Gen Alpha kid at home and deal with Gen Z in the teams that I manage at work, and I see this play out constantly. My daughter will sometimes react to content with “but that’s not how we do it, mumma,” and while I’m grateful it’s still a “we” as in our family for her and not a “I” as yet, I treat this as a teaching moment most times.

[Read my article Working With Gen Z: Lessons from Advertising Life (With a Side of Psychology)]

Here’s what helps me:

• Practice the scroll-past: Not everything is for you, and that’s okay. Model this by literally scrolling past content and saying out loud, “Oh, this isn’t for me” without judgment or complaint.
• Ask better questions: Instead of “Why didn’t they think of me?” try “Who is this for?” or “What can I learn from this even if it’s not my situation?”
• Identify personalization fatigue: When your child (or you) feels upset that something wasn’t tailored to your needs, pause and ask: “Am I expecting everything to be about me?”
• Create offline experiences: Research on teaching critical thinking to children emphasizes the importance of exposing kids to diverse perspectives and teaching them to evaluate information without taking everything personally.

Let’s Bring Back The Art of Discernment

Discernment isn’t about being cold or uncaring. It’s about recognizing that the world is vast, perspectives are diverse, and not every piece of content, advice, or recipe needs to have you in mind. In fact, the most growth often happens when we engage with ideas and experiences outside our own bubble.

For parents, this is crucial. We’re raising kids in a world where AI and algorithms will continue to get better at serving them exactly what they want. But the skill of saying “this isn’t for me, and that’s fine” will be what keeps them grounded, empathetic, and capable of connecting across differences.

For leaders, especially in workplaces with Gen Z teams, this is a conversation worth having. The ability to receive feedback, hear ideas that don’t immediately resonate, and engage with perspectives that challenge your own is a leadership superpower.

And for all of us navigating this digital age: the algorithm isn’t the villain. But, if we let it train us to expect the world to always center us, we’ll miss out on the beautiful, messy, diverse reality that exists outside our personalized feeds.

Not everything is about you. And honestly? That’s freeing.

If you enjoyed this article, connect with me on LinkedIn, Medium, Substack, X, and/or Instagram for more musings on mental health, parenting, and navigating the digital age.